I look out of my living room window onto a lake-a small lake, bordered by trees, and made by human kind. It is beautiful, peaceful, urging you to reflect on other things than pressures, work, relationships, anything negative. Restoring you to a height where you can breathe freely, smile perhaps- even momentarily. Live, as you should, breathe. Few of us can say that is how we conduct our lives.
Life is short. We need to make the most of it. Excise those elements in the way of living that brief existence the way it should be lived. Easier said than done. The first step is to make a commitment to do it. The next is to do it.
As we get older, sometimes, life demands that we change our priorities, ways of seeing things, influenced by our decades of experiences and lessons learnt. Things that we considered important now seem less significant. Areas that we thought were not worth the time of day such as spending time looking at a flower and taking the time to see how it smelt, now seem so important, so necessary, demanding our attention.
I love becoming older. That is not to say that I did not love being young. But I see things now in a different way. I experience things now shaped by my lived life, that produces layers of meanings, understandings, knowledge and wisdom. I am unhindered by convention, what should be said and done. I am more at liberty to do and say what I feel to be true and real-because I have lived it, know it is authentic for me. I have additional courage to express it and accept the consequences. I am not threatened by you or intimidated by you. I wish to converse with you as equals. Trying to know you and you, know me.
Some versions of masculinity, accepted and expressed by some men of all ethnicities, downgrade the realities of our lives where we are at times vulnerable, fearful, unsure, averse to risk taking, do not quite know what to do next, do not have all the answers, needs to rely on others. There is nothing wrong with any of those aspects of being human. This is life, perfectly normal. It is just that sometimes our vision of masculinity does not allow us to admit it.
What constitutes masculinity is constantly changing because we as men, are continually evolving and must take the leap in framing how we project ourselves, as caring, loving, competent, individuals, living up to our responsibilities and obligations, and also, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, fearful, seeking guidance when thought necessary, accepting solace as and when required, and giving it of course without a second thought.
I was reminded recently of our varied conceptions of masculinity particularly Black masculinity whilst listening to an interview with Ian wright. We as Black men are stereotyped as being ‘hard’, ’emotionally cold’, ‘lacking insight’, ‘diminished emotional depth’, our alleged ‘focus on our private parts and sexual gratification’ and or alleged ‘lack of behavioural responsibility’. Such an image of Black men I am unfamiliar with. It is not being hidden. It is not there in my connection to men of all ethnicities. That is not to say it is not present in the lives of some. That is their story. Someone else will have to tell that story.
In the interview with Ian Wright, a world class footballer, he tells his story about growing up as a child with very damaged parents whose life stories are not told in the interview. He talked movingly about his struggles, his tears, his lack of support, his reaching out to others and one in particular who responded positively with life-long consequences. He talks about the steps he carves out to dig himself out of his family mess that was not of his creation. He talks about his dreams, beautifully spoken, eloquently articulated, mellifluous, spell binding, tearful, hugely impressive
Ian was never ‘nothing’, always ‘something’. A something who was, and is still, extraordinary.