In last week’s article, two Black men outlined their journeys through childhood and youth, to manhood. One based in Baltimore (USA), Ta-Nehisi-Coates, and the other in London and Sheffield (UK), Tim Cruickshank. The stories remind us that each of our journeys, like ourselves, are unique, irreplaceable, and need to be valued. We also cannot take the same routes again. Our former footprints are now erased. There is no clear sign-posted pathway back. The sand is even- pristine, awaiting our next journey in life. We are left with our memories. This is one of the reasons why talking to one another is such a treasured opportunity to see if we can find an echo in someone else’s experience. Some sign in what is said or written that strikes a chord triggering recall of moments in our own journey.
We often feel we are on our own, that our experience cannot be understood by another because they have not walked in our shoes, seen what we have viewed, felt like us, been tempted like us, done what we have undertaken, thought things that we have, been vulnerable and afraid, vilified and shamed, and been in so much pain and at a loss. Out of our depth. We have also loved, laughed, been happy, been loved by others, been successful and accomplished things, overcome obstacles, and there still remains unfinished business. How can anybody else understand us, and what we have been through?
This question of connection with others is important when exploring how to assist in a positive way the journey of Black youth to manhood. Who is best qualified to do it? Does it necessarily have to be a Black adult male? Can a White adult male be as competent in the task? Looking at the increased likelihood of ethnically/racially mixed adult relationships today it is not a rarity as in my youth for Black children and youth now to have a White father figure. As far as I am concerned, first voice, emerging from lived experience as a Black adult male of African descent, and having an understanding and appreciation of our histories and the legacy of fighting for the recognition of our humanity, is ideally the best placed to provide the guidance necessary. As stated earlier our experience as Black males and our journeys to manhood are manifestly diverse but the common link binding us together is that what we face in terms of societal interaction is permeated by reactions to our skin colour and what that means in the socially constructed eyes of the society. This is the reality.
A White adult male does not have this first voice and therefore is at a disadvantage in preparing a Black child/youth for manhood within a racist society. The onus is on him to find out how to adequately fulfil this urgent task as his son’s future and indeed his very life at times, is at stake.
When that ideal is absent, the conscious adult Black male, it is up to those carers of the Black child/youth, to seek to find such adult Black males of African descent and include them within the child/youth’s upbringing. Failing that it is incumbent on the White male father to inform himself of the history, complex experience and lived lives of Black community members in the society in which he lives and is rearing the Black child/youth. As a fatherless child/youth myself as I have outlined in blog articles on May 2nd2018, Reaching Towards Manhood: Beacons of Light-Part 3, and April 25th2018, Journeys from Black Youth to Black Manhood-Part 2, I had to prepare myself for life as a Black adult in the UK with the aid of Beacons of Light who immeasurably helped me. So, it can be done. I would have loved the opportunity however of having positive adult Black Males around me to help steer me as a Youth to the knowledge and experience essential for understanding and negotiating through adult life as a Black male.
Tim resumes his story in his own words from last week by addressing the question of how can we recognise and grasp the hand which is reaching out to us to offer help in our distress at times, or simply being not quite sure as to which turns in the road to take, on our journeys to Manhood. Is the hand worth grasping? Perhaps it belongs to someone who may understand what we may be going through?
‘Helps comes in many forms and varied ways when you are at your lowest ebb and feel that there is no more hope. Generally, something happens to regain your faith and reignite the light at the end of the tunnel. When we feel low, we lose faith and we lose trust, sometimes we have to bite the bullet and take a blind leap of faith, especially when you are being offered a helping hand.
I had a situation when I had my benefit (Government income support) stopped erroneously on a bank holiday weekend. I had spent all afternoon trying to get the situation resolved, without success. I was forced to leave at closing time without any finance. However, the security guard fished out, all of his pocket change, about six pounds (approximately 11 Canadian dollars) and gave it to me. He said, ‘this isn’t happening I could lose my job.’ It rekindled my faith in humanity.
I am a man of the streets and have never forgotten that. When I talk to young people, I try to remember what it was like for me at their age, and use that to recognise, empathise, relate and advise. An example of this is the notion of ‘saving face’. This has remained the same throughout time. Men back themselves into corners rather than extricate themselves, for fear of losing face. A young man was serving a lengthy sentence for a fight that resulted from a trivial comment, someone made fun of his hair, an argument ensued, where both partners refused to back down and it ended in violence. When we broke it down to its basic essence, ‘that’s a girly haircut’. Was it worth 10 years? I explained that the only person we have control of is ourselves, therefore, the only ones responsible for our outcomes are us!!! As long as we stop and think of the best case scenario and the worst case scenario, we will generally make the right decision for ourselves.’
In next week’s article I conclude the six part series on Journeys of Black Youth to Black Manhood by summarising the key elements to be aware of in assisting Black Youth on their journeys and why I believe that our futures are positive.